So...

Oddly enough, I am now in a situation which everyone around me dreads. I am alone, in a physical sense. My parents have always been terrified of me being alone. Living alone, not having enough friends, not dating ect. When I put it on paper it sounds bad but they kind of have a point. I'm an introvert, people exhaust me. It takes physical oomph for me to be around people. So when I'm alone, I stay alone. I avoid going out. I don't necessarily love being alone but I'm not calling up anyone to keep me company. Its peaceful. Anyways, why I'm alone. My roommate is out of town for 3 weeks, my brothers are busy with their shit and my boyfriends across the state. I am literally alone. Its interesting. I'm curious to see how it plays out, if I do well or if I go a little crazy. It would be a whole different story if he was here. It would be good news to be alone of 3 weeks because he could come over at any time. I'm not saying its bad news, I was actually kind of excited, but I'm also a little worried. More about being bored to death. But if he was here. Man, we could have fun. But he's not, because I choose boyfriends that are across the state for a reason. I should get used to an empty apartment, I mean more than likely I will be a single room apartment lady for the majority if not rest of my life. Sounds pathetic but it really isn't. Females are the only ones that are worried about that anyways. And I refused to be worried about it. If I worry then I'll turn into a desperate fool.

mhm

Yesterday

in the grocery store with Carson I saw Snowboarder Girl Magazine. It was the first female rider magazine I'd ever seen and Carson agreed. So I bought it.
First of all: Almost all of the people involved in the magazine: editors, publishers, photographers ect. were men.

Therefore we can come to the conclusion that all the decisions about what goes in the magazine were by men. How does that make sense at all.

THIS MAGAZINE WAS IDENTICAL TO ANY OTHER MEN'S SNOWBOARD MAGAZINE

The layout, the style, the bullshit!

I'm pissed. So pissed I can't even continue...

Jerry Johnson Hot Springs weekend

Carson got in late on Thursday and on Friday we headed to Idaho. We got in after dark and then went up to the springs for a late night soak. I of course am afraid of dark scary Idaho forests so I was a little nervous, but with Carson right next to me I couldn't be too scared. I didn't sleep at all that night and hadn't really slept the night before so we were very sleepy when Carson dragged me out of bed so we could get to the springs before anyone else. We spend about 3 hours marinating in minerals and hot water which didn't really help with the 4 hour drive back to my place. Exhausted and dehydrated we made one last stop at a Cafe to get some cheap food and camoflague trucker hats. Last night was movies and way too many otter pops. And now he's headed home and I am sad. This is very unfair.

I wish I was there now

Hooray!

He's coming he's coming to viisssit me

I'm such a dork

But I get so excited, I can't let him know though or he'll use this power to his advantage

He won't be here for like 3 more hours and iz driving me crazy



Thomas O'Malley

Thomas the alley cat

What is the matter with me?

Why do I keep putting myself in situations where I know I will be hurt? Why do I keep people around that hurt me? Why am I stuck in this? I am so tired, so lonely, so lost and so tired of feeling sorry for myself. I can't stand this anymore. I don't know what to do. I keep trying to put myself out there, go do things because thats what is supposed to make me feel better. But the whole time I just want to be home, alone and tired. Whomever is up there, please ease my soul. My chest hurts from this.

I will be alone forever

won't I



The Devil and Daniel Johnston

Just watched The Devil and Daniel Johnston. Amazing! He is musical genius. I want to memorize and breathe his lyrics! I am so fascinated by odd people. I mean, a manic artist? Whats not to love. And as if being one of the greatest singer/songwriters of all time wasn't enough, he also does fantastic illustrations. Check out the documentary or his website.

Ah! I'm in love!