What is the matter with me?

Why do I keep putting myself in situations where I know I will be hurt? Why do I keep people around that hurt me? Why am I stuck in this? I am so tired, so lonely, so lost and so tired of feeling sorry for myself. I can't stand this anymore. I don't know what to do. I keep trying to put myself out there, go do things because thats what is supposed to make me feel better. But the whole time I just want to be home, alone and tired. Whomever is up there, please ease my soul. My chest hurts from this.

I will be alone forever

won't I



The Devil and Daniel Johnston

Just watched The Devil and Daniel Johnston. Amazing! He is musical genius. I want to memorize and breathe his lyrics! I am so fascinated by odd people. I mean, a manic artist? Whats not to love. And as if being one of the greatest singer/songwriters of all time wasn't enough, he also does fantastic illustrations. Check out the documentary or his website.

Ah! I'm in love!

I've been seeing way too many sunrises this semester

For some strange reason waking up at 5 or 6 and studying then instead of at midnight has become increasingly popular in my life this year. I just have the hardest time studying at night nowadays. So yes, I am up and studying for my Art History exam that's in 5 hours. I'm not sure how I'll do, since I'm blogging instead of studying.

Friedrich's Monk by the Sea is one of my favorite paintings of this exam

Its really beautiful. I wish I could paint like that. I'm thinking of investing in watercolors, just to see how I do. Any donations?

Cause it will make you feel good

Alwayz does

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=_itJ5cVQjeU

FMJ

So first of all, I'm sitting at my desk, loading this page and I keep hearing the strangest noise in my room. It sounds like one of the tennis ball machine things that shoots them to players for practice. Yes, in my room. Very mysterious. I cannot figure out what that is! Well anyways, I just watched Stanely Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket. I needed to watch a Kubrick film for a class and this was the only one availible on Netflix for instant watch... and also I've been hearing good things about it of course.

I hadn't seen this film before but had heard lots about it. I really liked it. And now I want an ice cream cone. McDonalds late night run? Oh i can hear my annoying friends now "Mackers kills babies and puts rubbing alcohol in their cones". I'm pushing for the strongest stomach in the Palouse before I graduate so we can consider it conditioning.

Dont want to lose my parking spot

So

I

skip my cone

 Did anyone else

not

get

anything done this weekend?

iz new

I am, for reasons unknown to me, obsessed with blogging/vlogging/journals. Not that I actually do any of these consistently, but I do enjoy creeping on strangers and their lives. Often they give me inspiration. For example, i am obsessed with decorating my apartment right now. I don't function well unless my space is comfortable, clean, peaceful and so on. So every time I go online all I seem to care about is paint colors, organizing, decor, crafts, ect. ect. ect.

The issue is, no matter what my friends or family say, I am not that creative. I'm a copier, very few original ideas from this brain. Well not necessarily, I get good ideas then never execute them because they rarely turn out the way I picture. All I want is an interior designer friend who can read me and then decorate accordingly. So, I have created this blog. One, to record all of my obsessive thoughts, and two to hopefully attract creative friends that will make me stuff.